23 December 2004

When I was six...

I would tell myself elaborately long detailed stories that had no beginning and no ending.  Much like life, the various pieces of a story, any story, are like the various uneven lengths of thread woven into some wonderful tapestry.  My stories that I would tell myself, aloud, were like chapters in some unnamed novel.

When I was six, my brother was eight.  We were still each other's playmates but he was faster than I.  He was tougher and rougher than I was.  He was a boy and I was not.

When I was six I was even more sensitive and more clumsy than I am now.  I was a pale, thin, befreckled child with long, long blonde hair and a huge grin.  I loved mommee, but I was daddy's girl.

Weekend Assignment #40:  Celebrate John M. Scalzi's daughter, Athena's 6th birthday by sharing a story from when you were six.

Earlier this year, my parents had taken a trip back up to Pennsylvania.  They visited with the Mennonite family that rented the old farmhouse to us when I was six.  This was outside of York Springs, PA (close in to Gettysburg).  The missus remembers my brother and I as being "spindly children".

What I remember of Elmira and Sandy and their numerous hardy children most was when they would come to cut, bale, and stack the hay.  I was six at that time.  I would try to drag around the hale bales and they would chide me not to hurt myself and so I would perch out of the way and watch everyone else.

Elmira would bring snacks, plastic baggies of sliced green bell peppers.  For years, whenever I had bell peppers, I would think of the Friendly Mennonite Family From the Farm.  I would taste the coolness of the juicy peppers against the dustiness of my throat.  My nose would recall the dry chaff filled air.

When I was six, perched close to the action but safely out of the way, my clothes and hair would fill with bits and pieces of scratchee dry hay.  When I was six, I loved the loud clanking machine that would move the bales up to dump them into the loft.  When I was six, the farm was the best place to be.

When I was six, I was a very happy kid.

20 December 2004

OMG, omg, oh my gawd...

AOL Member Ancidkb47Dudes!!
Yippitee-skippitee!!  I made the AOL Personal Finance Pages!!  Wahoo!!  I'm not exactly sure when they rotate off and new folks are featured...but, WOW, I am thrilled to be there now!!
http://pf.channel.aol.com/financetalk
Charity Begins at Home
Homemade Is Best
Debra tells Scalzi to spend his spare change on a special Christmas gift for his wife.  Read Her Advice

19 December 2004

WHhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??!?

TIME cover with Bush as the Person of the Year.


 "The first TIME poll since the election has his approval rating at 49 percent. Gallup has it at 53 percent, which doesn't sound bad unless you consider that it's the lowest December rating for a re-elected President in Gallup's history. That is not a great concern, however, since he has run his last race, and it is not a surprise to a President who tends to measure his progress by the enemies he makes."
 
It's all in how ya look at things...why, I guess that ""measuring progress by the enemies made" method is working; the man has lots of folks who aren't too fond of him.  This latest announcement by Time disappoints me, but does not surprise me.  sigh.

18 December 2004

I forgot to say....

hip, hip, HOOOrayyyy

hip, hip, hoooRAAYY

hip, hip, HooRay!!

CONGRATS to my guy...  I am so very proud of you and all you do.  Not only do you work and go to school and have a life, but you do all those things so well.

My guy's 4.0 is a great way to start work on his PhD, doncha think?

16 December 2004

Ain't no dummee...

Weekend Assignment #39: Tell us about the toy you had to have for the holidays when you were a kid, only to find out it was kinda disappointing once you had it.

Extra Credit: Tell us the most unrealistic holiday gift request you ever made.

Well, I gotta say when I first looked at the John M. Scalzi Weekend Assignment, I had more than a momentary pause of nothingness.  I thought that I never had one of those whiney kid pining for THE toy that ya just hadta have.  Not me.

Right.

Then I remembered...

One year, I was about 10 or so, all year long I was certain that I wanted to be a ventriloquist.  I just knew that I could learn to throw my voice and that if I had a real dummy, then I could be the funniest kid around and well on my way to breaking into show-business.  Why, it'd be better than joining the circus...which I could do, if I had an act with the dummy.

I yammered on about it endlessly.  If mom or dad was around for long enough, I would yap about how I really wanted a dummy.  I was a child who did not ask for lots of things, and certainly not repeatedly as a habit.  If I asked mom for something, she said "no" or "we'll see".  If you pushed it, then the "we'll see" became, NO.

So, when I talked about the dummy, I had to tread carefully.  I wanted it so badly, so I built a case for having it.  I asked dad if we could make one, in his shop.  I talked with mom about sewing one.  Dummies were not terribly popular, not a fad.  So even looking for them was hard.  Cuz lots of stores just did not have them.

My birthday came in November.  No dummy.  I had resigned myself to the fact that I was not going to get my dummy and I was going to have to make some sock muppets for me.

But what to my unbelieving eyes should appear under the tree for me that christmas eve?  A SIMON SEZ DUMMY!!!  He was hard plastic, with a hinged jaw and a head that turned.  His shirt was yellow with blue "SIMON" and his pants where red.  Love at first sight.

I was so ashamed throughout the following months about how little I actually developed my skills to use the dummy.  I have no idea how much it cost, but I felt that it must have cost lots and there I was, barely using it.  I did not find the dummy to be nearly as life-changing, or thrilling, as I had built it up to be.

I set myself up for a big disappointment.  It made me feel bad that I did not appreciate it as much as I thought I should.  I mean, that was a big treat from my folks.

As for the unrealistic present I've ever asked for...I honestly can't think of one.  I know that I've had unrealistic wishes, but not for any particular present.  I wished I was graceful and strong, could be a gymnast, or ballet dancer, or ice-skater.  I wish I was more energetic and more fit, more lean and tone, less pudgee.

09 December 2004

Weekend Writing Assignment to the rescue

By the way...  have ya seen this week's writing assingment, brought to you by that dude, with the bedside laptop...

Weekend Assignment #38: It's the Holidays! Create your own festive Holiday Character and give him, her or it at least one seasonally appropriate magical ability (or use its native traits and skills to save the holiday season).

Khin Khee, the camel cricket, has a very special talent that is absolutely essential to the completion of Santa's mission.  Now you may be familiar with the miners' best friend, the canary.  This fine feathered friend would descend into the pits with the first few miners.  He would be merrily chirping along, letting the men know it was safe to go further.  The canary would stop singing, indeed cease living, if noxious fumes and poisonous gases that are odorless to the human olfactory organs infiltrated is little lungs.  He was the early-warning system of days gone by.

Well, Khin Kee, the camel cricket, is also called a cave cricket.  He likes the dark and can function quite well is those places.  Now, I don't know if YOU'VE ever been in the sorta situation which would necessitate peering up or down a chimney.  I certainly have not.  Nor have I ever managed to get stuck or jump freely down one, let alone ascend to the rooftop.

But Santa, well, he NEEDS to be able to see down, skinny through, do his business, and alight back to the sleigh so that he can go on to the next chimney.  Now of course not all homes have chimneys.  But for those that do, Khin Kee, the camel cricket, has the most important task of preceeding the jolly fat elf down the chimney to give the all-clear signal.

Why, if it weren't for Khin Kee, the camel cricket, who knows in what state of affairs we all would be?

That is why, my friends, the children with chimneys sing with glee, their joy for the Khin Kee, the camel cricket.  You'd've heard of him, before this, I am sure, if there were but more homes with chimneys, galore.

06 December 2004

Holiday Traditions, cont'd (and some randomness)

Some of you may remember my mother and me have a traditional cookie baking day, monday after Thanksgiving.  Well, this year, it was the first day of the bizarre Bazaar, so we decided to wait til I join her at the Christmas stay.  A few entries ago, I wrote of some Christmas traditions.

We also have New Year traditions.  Well, I hail from Pennsylvania Deutschland (which sometimes is confused with PA Dutch, sorta similar, but not the same).  In our family, we usually would have the crockpot of sauerkraut and pork, some hotdogs, and a huge pot of mashed potatoes.  Ya gotta have a strong stomach to handle this at midnight.  Especially if you've imbibed in the New Year cheer.

Now, we usually have the meal new year's day.  In the South, folks do up the hog jawls, greens, black eyed peas, and cornbread.  My first New Year in the South was in North Florida, just south of Valdosta, Georgia (where I lived).  I was just getting used to greens, black-eyed peas, and cornbread...but the hog jawls were something new all together for me.  I don't recall my reaction, except I must have had one, cuz the entire family of folks I was visiting was fascinated with me.  That was also the first time I had rutabaga.  THAT is a tought tuber, dude!  Good, but damn! lotsa work...hacking and chopping, I said, dudes, next time, I'm opting for the canned stuff.

I paid all the bills I have so far, and some I don't (but will show up in the mail soon).  I am waiting for the paper reminder for my tag renewal because I made the mistake ONCE of going to get the tags for my car without the paper, and I like to have never gotten outta the office.  Folks working in that office been there since before computers and they don't care much for us newbies that have no people locally.

Now, I got people, it's just they don't live here, in this town, county, state, or even region.  So, instead of telling folks I'm from Pennsylvania, and that's where my people are (actually they aren't, they are scattered to the winds), I just tell folks I'm not from around these heah parts.

It's funny, but friends from up North hear me, think I have a southern accent.  Folks down here know I don't.  There was an ol' man, fixed me with his good-eye gaze, and said that he knew I wadn't from Miz'ippi, I wudn't foolin' him none, girly.  Now, where's my people, anyways?

05 December 2004

Holiday Traditions

One year, when I was about 8, my brother was about 10 and we lived in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania.  That Christmas, we decided everything would be homemade.  You could even work on the others' gifts, right up til the final stages; because they couldn't get too nosey.

Even the wrapping paper was homemade.  It was blank newspaper that we drew pictures and made colorful.  All the ornaments that year were handmade, so the tree looked sparse, but it felt right.  We strung popcorn to hang.  We found garland runners under the snow, and mistletoe.  We even cut down our own tree from our woods behind the house.

We never were a family that tore into all our presents and christmas giving was over in 15 minutes.  We would take our time, getting up, stopping to answer the phone, make coffee, hot chocolate, and/or tea, and sometimes even having a break for breakfast or mom's stickee-buns.  Friends would stop by to enjoy Christmas morning with us.

The rule was that before that morning, you could look under the tree, but no touching allowed.  Then either my brother or myself would distribute one gift at a time.  That person would make their best guess.  Sometimes others tried to guess too.  Then after the gift was unwrapped, everyone passed it around and inspected it.

We could make an entire day out of it.  I was always amazed at my friends who were fairly wealthy and would receive so much stuff, and yet always be bored or not seem to value anything.  My gifts, I would carefully arrange under the tree when we were through.  I would usually receive a turtleneck, some socks, some underwear, some books, maybe perfume, and a pocket calendar.  Gifts were practical as well as pretty.  They were always appreciated.

tid bit (snicker)

Whenever I feel penis envy coming over me, I simply pump my own gas.  Shaking the nozzle for that last drip...it being the right height and everything, well, there ya go.  I pump my gas always, but don't feel penis envy always, kinda like the square/rectangle thing, ya know?

03 December 2004

old?!?

Ya know how some days, ya just feel old?  Your joints creak, your muscles ache, your bone marrow hurts.  You're sure that your skin is more sensitive, dry, and delicate than it should ever be.  Even your hair seems to feel old, and you weren't even sure if that was possible.

You might be feeling extra cranky, intolerant, and short-tempered.  Little things might grate your nerves.  In which case, you most likely won't age too gracefully...

Ya might think ya know old, but ya don't know old like these folks know old.

After the death of Iowan Verona Johnston, Bettie Wilson is now the oldest American.  Born 13 September 1890, Wilson of Mississippi qualifies as a supercentenarianWilson has a 95 year old son.

Hendrikje van Andel(-Schipper) is just a few months older than Wilson.  Born 29 June 1890, van Andel is the oldest living person.  She resides in the Netherlands.  Van Andel says that breathing is the secret to longevity.  She's got a point there, wise old woman, huh?

02 December 2004

second to none

Weekend Assignment #37: We all know what our best personal quality is. What's your second-best personal quality?

Extra Credit: Note a personal quality you wish you had more of.

I saw this writing assignment.  I thought, oh man, I have no clue what to do.  I don't even know what my FIRST-best personal quality would be.

Could it be my stunning modesty and humilty?  I mean, alllll my good qualities are my best.  Now, stop that guffawing!!

I think my wit is actually my second best quality.  Not telling ya what I think my first is.  Well, ok...since you are so interested.  I think I can be a fairly compassionate person, with lots of empathy thrown in.  Good blend.

And then there is the modest humilty to consider too...

Actually, what I do need to work on (and believe me, I am constantly working on this) is to have more tolerance of sheer stupidity.  Ya know, I don't mean folks that are not too bright because they just aren't.  But I am not very tolerant of folks that say and do stupid things when they should know better.  They aren't using the sense they ought to have.  So much for common sense, huh?

25 November 2004

Tis the Weekend Writing Assignment, brought to you by...

J.M. Scalzi, bloggaire, has given us the task of suggesting how, what, where he dispose of his extra coinnage.  Weekend Assignment #36: I have a mug on my desk with $70.65 in change in it. What should I do with the money?

If the money were mine, I would use it to buy supplies to make presents for my short-list folks.  That would be Mom, Dad, my guy, and perhaps one or two others.  I realize that the money is, alas, NOT mine to spend.

So, I think Athena receives her heart's content, not that she is a spoiled child.  Rather that I think that she suffers for the want of nothing.  Her parents seem fond of her and able to provide well.

However, I am thinking that Crissie (sorry if I am spelling that wrong, Mrs. Scalzi) might deserve a well-earned luxury or two.  A few days ago, John featured her care-packages assembled just so.  She occassionally appears in some of his entries, having surprised him with decorating for the holidays...or being 16 flavors of wonderful (I think was how he phrased things) for cleaning and organizing his desk and office.

So, I say, splurge and surprise her.  I don't know if she likes massage, but even a spot-massage which concentrates on a specific area (such as neck, scalp, shoulders, or even foot rubs) can be purchased and enjoyed for that with spare change left over.  The extra errands at this time of the year might mean that Chrissie could really go for a pedicure, manicure, or some pampering that she does not routinely indulge in.

If those things are not activities that she would enjoy, then perhaps a gift-certificate to a favorite store, with a card and a condition would be best.  The condition is that she cannot spend the money on anyone but herself, exclusively.  The idea is that she treat herself however she would best like.

Since I do not know her, or her tastes, those are merely some ideas of what I imagine she'd enjoy.  However, it is plausible that she would rather something else.  I am sure that her husband, John, would have a much better idea of how to surprise and please her better than I.

22 November 2004

Starting the wee ones out right

My guy and I went to Jackson today.  The state capital of Mississippi is about 3 hours from where I live.  Well, it's probably closer than that, it just takes awhile to navigate through traffic to get to where we need to be once we are in the big ol' city.

We stopped at a bookstore, where I amused myself with trips down memory lane in the children's section.  Amelia Bedelia is one of my favorite characters from that time period.  She is always quite literal in her translation of her task-list.

Amelia dresses the chicken (in overalls), draws the drapes (on sketch-pad), dusts the furniture (with fine white powder), hangs balls (a wide assortment of baseballs, basketballs, footballs, soccor balls, etc.) on the christmas tree with lots of (regular bulbs of) lights.

Amelia figures that an entire calendar's worth of dates ought to be enough for the date cake her employer requested.  I'd have her over for a cuppa, wouldn't you?

   Harold and his Purple Crayon are way older than me, but he will always be a toddler with creativity.  Johnson published this enduring children's book in 1955.  Harold lets his imagination run wild and he draws a hot air balloon to float across the town.  At the end of his day, he draws his bed and lays himself down.

  I love Mercer Mayer and his Little Critters!!  My favorite book of that series is:  I was Just So Mad   because it helps kids understand how to appropriately handle some of their emotions.  Often, children are not taught about anger and when and how to express it.  Sometimes, that can lead to problems later.     Madeline is also a favorite.  She was the littlest girl at the Parisian orphanage, where the girls lined up in pairs and did everything in order and with cheer.  Even getting sick in sympathy with Madeline when she must have her tonsils removed.   All in all, today was a good day.  The trip to the bookstore was just one teeny part of wonderfulness.  Thanks you, sweetie, for sharing a special birthday celebration with me.

21 November 2004

Go ask alice...

Ding-ding-ding!  Thanks for playing, Margo!  I did allude to the traditional children's rhyme, "The Owl and the Pussycat" (by Edward Lear) in the last entry.  It was one of the poems I recited for the other eight students in third grade.   

Just a tidbit of trivia...the runcible spoon is similar to what we today call a spork.  It is a small fork, with 3 prongs, but it is curved like a spoon.  A true runcible spoon's outside prong has a sharpened edge for slicing through pickles.  The idea is that you then can scoop up the preserve and eat it, the excess liquid draining between the prongs of the spoon.  So, now ya know.  Bet THAT was keeping you up nights, causing you to lose sleep, eh?

     Edward Lear (1812-1888)

The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are, you are, you are,
What a beautiful Pussy you are."
Pussy said to the Owl "You elegant fowl, 
How charmingly sweet you sing.
O let us be married, too long we have tarried;
But what shall we do for a ring?"
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows,
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose, his nose, his nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.
"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?"
 Said the Piggy, "I will"
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon.
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand.
They danced by the light of the moon, the moon, the moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

My favorite Disney owned-rights female is Alice, of Wonderland.  I can most identify with her.  She finds things to become curiouser and curiouser.  Sometimes, Alice, she cries in frustration.  Sometimes, she rails against the queen, realizing that they are all a buncha cards.  She pokes and prods and experiments, sometimes with extreme care and other times throws caution to the wind.

But all the time, she uses her head.  Even if her logic is flawed, she truly believes that she is making the right decision based on her conclusions which she came to through careful consideration.  She is a stand-up gal, with a strong sense of justice and compassion.  I admire her tenacity.

I also love Chip n Dale.  I appreciate that whole polite to the extreme routine of:  you go first; no, you; alright...then they both link arms and squeeze through together.  Kindness, consideration, facing the world with your best bud...   sounds kewl to me!!

20 November 2004

"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 & gradually approach

  Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens), 1835-1910, American Humorist/Author  (for a list of better known quotes the man quipped, see Jest for Pun)

It is a tradition, my mother always gives me a calender booklet for Christmas and has since I was 13.  It fits in my purse, pocket, or bookbag.  I've been carrying the current one and several others for past years (not in consecutive order), for over 20 years now.

My favorite is a complimentary one provided by the Belz Factory Outlet World when she was a manager of one the stores there.  It's 2002's edition.  But that doesn't matter.  What I love are the profound, short, witty quotes.  There is one notable for each week.  Mark Twain is credited with the quip above (in the subject line).

As some of you know, I've been doing the pre-mid-life crisis (well, it could be mid-life, but I plan to be around for along time after my late 60s, so it's my pre-mid....think pre-engagement and there is a similar chain of thought, I think).  So, while playing Styx's Classics (omg!  I remember the original cuts being released...), I flashed back to the 8 yr old me belting out Crystal Ball.

It is true, most nothing goes exactly according to long-term plan.  I did not plan to be here a year ago.  A year before that, I would most certainly never have guessed last year would have brought so many surprises.

I never would have thought 10 years ago that within the year I would move to the South and become a transplant (or as the locals like to say, "one of them Damn Yankees...won't go back North").  I did not foresee who I would meet, the encounters I would have, the experiences I survived, or very much of anything.

AND guess what?  That is not a bad thing.  All in all, I have had a good life.  It's all led up to here, now, and made me into who I am.

cover  Styx's Fooling Yourself (the angry young man)

You see the world thru your cynical eyes
You're a troubled young man I can see
You've got it all in the palm of your hand
But your hand's wet with a sweat
And you head needs a rest

And you're fooling yourself
If you don't believe it
You're kidding yourself
If you don't believe it

Why must you be such an angry young man
When your future looks quite bright to me
And how can there be such a sinister plan
That could hide such a lamb
Such a caring young man

And you're fooling yourself
If you don't believe it
You're killing yourself
If you don't believe it

Get up, get up, get back on your feet
You're the one they can't beat
And you know it
Come on, come on let's see what you've got
Just take your best shot and don't blow it, oh

So, I mean to say, that things haven't been all roses...nor have the thorns been the main focal point of my life either.  And they won't be.  My life from here out will be good, bad, ugly, joyful...tears of happiness and sadness will be shed.  Frustrations may come, and hopefully go.  Life goes on and I plan to go on with it.

I've moved many times, lived in and passed through many places.  One of the most frequently asked questions I am receive is along the lines of how do I find...(where ever I am at that moment)...?  My answer has been basically the same for over 15 years, no matter where or when.

I find that what I get out of the experience depends on what I put in.  So, I don't know all the plans.  I don't know what may or may not happen.  Who I may or may not meet.  What turns my life may take.

But I got my hand on the helm, climb aboard the pea-boat with me and let's embark on the next leg of the journey, shall we?

19 November 2004

Pencil Necked Geeks

  Today is Pencil Day.  Not #2 pencil day (that's earlier in the Fall, suitably when kids return to school), but Pencil Day none the less.  A pencil is what most grammar school children use before they choose to take notes later in their scholastic careers with pens.  A writing utensil that has amazing properties; a pencil can write in zero-gravity (NASA spent bokoodles of bucks on developing an ink-pen to do the job a simple pencil could).  It can write while underwater (the paper tends to disintegrate though).  Gotta make a notation on the underside surface?  No problem!  Whip out the pencil, it writes while upside down.  You could draw an uninterrupted line for 35 miles with a standard pencil.  Why you would want to is beside the point, pardon the pun.

Lead is no longer used (folks where mad as hatters back in the day).  Now, graphite is used.  The best graphite used to be in China, where the color yellow symbolizes royalty and respect.  So the best pencils where made in China.  Since the common folk did not write, only those of special status did and so pencils were yellow.  Tradition dies hard and 75% of our pencils are yellow today.

The wood is cedar.  Which brings me to the Cedar Key, Florida.  It is a lovely little place, about 2hrs south west of Gainesville.  At one time, before Red Tide washed away most of the good fishing, oyster beds, and shrimping industry...Cedar Key was a thriving spot.

About 8 years ago, I visited Cedar Key.  It had all the amenities of a tourist's dream, without the exotic prices.  I was able to secure quite the charming suite, complete with a kitchenette for the entire weekend for about $50.  I visited the little craft shops and enjoyed the small secluded beaches.  The nicer homes on stilts were on the market, for very cheap prices (definitely a buyer's market).

There was a bird sanctuary, a wildlife reserve, and a museum.  It was while speaking with a life long resident of the island at the museum that I learned that years ago, back in the day, Cedar Key was the hot bed of pencils.  This was before the fishing industry bloomed (and died), before the huge wave of tourists and summer residents (or rather Winter Birds and retirees from up North), and before the current economy was struggling.

This was when american children were armed with pencils.  When computers were not yet a common commodity and when accountants, shopkeepers, and other paper pushers used pencils primarily.  Cedar Key residents worked in the Pencil Plant.  The US Government (especially the Department of Education) was the largest consumer of pencils produced.

The elderly museum volunteer warmed to the subject and spoke for quite some time, explaining how the preferred Cedar Key pencil was not painted yellow, but was the soft pinkish red of sanded cedar.  He told me that some runs were fat round pencils that children could handle with ease.  He spoke with pride of how the plant provided all the employees with pencils for their own children at the beginning of each term.  His voice grew wistful when he spoke of the scent of cedar pleasantly odorizing the air throughout the entire island.  Er excuse me, KEY.  Cedar Key.

So, next time you see a plain old fashioned pencil, not one of them new-fangled mechanical do-jobbies with the refillable graphite...think of the illustrious history of the pencil, its many uses, and see if it doesn't fit in your hand just write.

18 November 2004

running circles in my mind

Sara Hickman Sara Hickman's voice is very easy to listen to and easy to sing with.  Her song, "I Wish I Could Run" got me to thinking.  Sometimes, it takes little to find similar threads and connections when I am pre-occupied with a notion.

Outside the lines of baltimore
There’s a cemetary sleeping
I stopped to watch you yelling at your dog
The effect was rather creepy
In front of strangers long since gone
I watched you hammer home your hate
Someday you’ll look back at what you’ve become
A ghost behind a gate
Oh ohh oh
I wish I could run to save you
I wish I could run
I wish I could run to save you
I can’t be the one
You could blame it on the way he would hit you
The taste of blood mingled with shame
And there’s a feeling that lies deep within you
But you cannot give it a name
No one can understand me you say
No one knows your pain
You shake your fists and raise your voice
Here comes the madness again
Oh ohh oh
I wish I could run to save you
I wish I could run
I wish I could run to save you
I can’t be the one
No I can’t be the one
You wish you were more like me but I’m not
Who you make me out to be
You wish you were more like me but
I’m not who you make me out to be
No one can understand me you say
No one knows your pain
You shake your fists and raise your voice
Here comes the madness again
Oh ohh oh
I wish I could run to save you
I wish I could run
I wish I could run to save you
I can’t be that
I wish I could run to save you
Ohh I wish I could run
I wish I could run to save you
I can’t be the one
No I can’t be the one
No I can't be the one
So, what's the current notion looping through my mind?  Well, not surprisingly the completion of another year of life (wahoo!) has brought on the usual evalutions.  The thing is, I ain't no spring chick-a-dee...sure, my life is not oooooooover but there are certain things that ought to be taken into consideration soon, if I plan to consider them at all.  What I mean is that in many ways I feel like I have not been very attentive, sorta disassociative, sorta disconnected, sorta coasting along...I feel like I am awakening in some ways.  Every now and then, I gotta remind myself to stay in the moment, with some short-term goals for the near future, some long-term goals for the next few years to work toward and guide my progress.  Since becoming derailed last year, I have been focussed so much so on just getting through the day, situation, and sometimes just the moment or the next breath was a challenge.  I am in a strange place now, because I can think more clearly than I had for quite some time, but I still tire so easily and quickly.  I think I am feeling some pressure (from myself) to figure out what's the plan, man?  What are some goals I want to set for myself to give myself some purpose, some guidance, some parameters to work within?  I had hoped to return to my PhD program.  While I haven't abandoned all hope, the truth of the matter is:  I don't think can take on those demands, perform well, and still remain healthy at this point.  And what's more is, I don't know when I might be able to do so.  In many ways, this is a hard pill to swallow.  I've been teaching in colleges and universities for over 10 years.  I started conducting stats workshops for graduate students while still working on my Bachelors' degrees.  For so long, academia has been my world.  I defined my very Self by how well I did in my academic pursuits.  I always looked to education as my ladder of success, my bedrock of safety, my escape from the real-world.  I miss it.  I miss it so very much.  I research almost everything exhaustively, even now.  Anything and everything that I ever have any questions about, I am poking around, til I feel satisfied with my newfound knowledge.  I write constantly, scribbling notes here and there, typing, journalling, short blurbs, stories, memories, fiction, poetry, factoids, non-fiction, and yet, I can't seem to focus on any ONE thing long enough to follow it through to completion.  I feel like an utter failure.  I KNOW I am not.  But that's how I FEEL.  Ya know what I mean?  Time is not on my side.  It's not against me.  I just don't have the same flexibility anymore.  My resilience is worn.  If I ever want children, I have to do some serious thinking.  For lots and lots of reasons.  One is that there are certain health issue to take into account and as I age, the probability of a birth-child having complications (Down's, etc) increases.  Yes, adoption is a consideration.  But will I be able to?  And what if my guy and I decide to wait til he is through with school, established in his career and home, to marry and then have children (birth or adopted)...how far down the road is that?  What sort of parent would I be any way?  If I do become pregnant, it should be planned.  Not only for financial sake, attention abilities, etc. but also because I would need to discontinue any and all medications prior to prenancy (how far prior, I haven't yet figured out, still researching, just in case).  If I became pregnant, unplanned...well, the damage from some of my medications could be done before I even know I am pregnant.  Yes, there is the possibilty that all will be fine.  Healthy children do come manage to beat the odds of mother's age of pregnancy and mother's health and such.  I just want to optimize what I can, to control what I can, to minimize and prevent what I can.  Then too, there is the whole marriage question.  My guy and I have discussed all these matters and more.  So, we know that eventually we want to marry each other.  But we are not sure of the timing, and I need to do all sorts of searching about that and how it might affect my monies and ability to contribute to the marriage, financially.  If I move from this area, to join him in that area, then I need to establish new healthcare support.  There's just so much to take into account.  Not the least of which is what am I going to DO.  Ideally, writing would fit the bill, so to say.  I would be able to have some flexibility, so if I needed to nap, or take a break, well then ok.  But there are stiff deadlines in some areas.  Publishing is not exactly a world one just slips into without the right connections and knowing the ins and outs, the who's and hows.  So, what's my purpose, who am I, what am I to do, will I marry (and when), and what about the entire child/parenthood issue?  WHAT DO I DO?  What are some goals?  What do I want to do?  It's enough to spin my head, making my brain whirl until it spirals out of control, and then, I end up thinking, "what's the use anyway?  Oh, who am I kidding?  If I can't even cope with just contemplating these things, HOW can I hope to actually do any of these, let alone all of them, let alone do them well?"  Oh, I know nothing needs to be decided right now, this very minute...but I have been thinking of all these things and more for months now and seemingly no further than I was then.  So, what to do, what to do...?  I can not even PLAN things, let alone DO them.  May be, this is just frustration speaking, the birthday-thing prompting a pre-mid-life crises of sorts...but, I don't think so.  I think I gotta get my ass in gear, or rather my head straight, or hell, it'd be nice if I could get both my head and ass to agree.  So, got some soul searching, mind scouring, brain shaking, butt scuttling to DO...sigh, wish me luck.

Weekend Writing Assignment #35

Ya better be thankful that Blogfather John Scalzi's such an easy going guy...

Weekend Assignment #35: Tell us something you should be thankful for -- but that you're usually not.

I am thankful for my vision and the joy I derive from reading.  I know I could learn Braille, if I lost my vision.  But, I have tried to learn before and all them tiny little bumps are very indistiguishable for my insensitive fingertips.  So I'd either have to request BIG extra BIG Braille, spaced just so.  Or I'd have to use some other more sensitive appendage to decipher my pages (and we are NOT going there).

I love to read.  I know I have made that clear in several entries.  But I'll say it again, I LOVE TO READ and am thankful I can do so.

But I don't think I have ever spoken of eye-surgery in my AOL journal.  I did have an operation when I was about 12.  Although I wear glasses, the only other impairment of my eyes is that they are light-sensitive.  I am usually extra careful of any danger concerning my eyes.  Sight is a precious thing, not fully appreciated until it is lost.

17 November 2004

Diner dinner

I caught a ride to town with the landlord today.  My tire had a flat a coupla weeks ago, so I had driven about 150 miles on the donut/spare which is much smaller than my other tires.  I parked it in my yard and there it's sat for the past week as I did not want to temp fate moreso.

So we go to town, to the tire place, all that.  Then she went off to work her part time shift and I went to the library (Elmore Leonard is my pick this time out), to the pharmacy (where the majority of the women who work there are pregnant), and then I met a friend for lunch at the local diner.

Now, I am closest to Pheba (pronounced "feeeeeebeeeeee") but when we say we going to town, we mean Starkville.  Starkville is home to Mississippi State University.  Those of us who are extremely found of the big ole city call it The Starkpatch and those of us who are a bit more cynical refer to it as Starkvegas.

It's a nice little place, big enough to have some good restaurants and stores and such, but small enough that you can cozy into town with the intimacy of knowing that rumors and gossip fly faster than camel crickets hop and become much more colorful with each retelling.  I feel at home here.  Well, as much as I feel at home anywhere.  Been living here longest I've lived any one place at any one time...going on 3 full years now!

So, our diner is about what you'd expect for a small town that's growing gradually.  We have the big rush at lunch-time.  Most every one orders the special of the day (catfish, meatloaf, hamburger steak, etc. and veggies like greens and beans) and washes it all down with sweet tea.  In and back out in less than half an hour, for most folks it works well.  Just as fast as tables empty, they fill with new customers, who push stacked plates to the edge and grab some napkins to wipe sticky circles left behind from the tall red or amber tinged plastic cups of bottomless tea.

There is a side room that is huge and actually can seat more than the front room.  But if you want to keep your finger on the pulse of the town, be seen and see who's to see...you sit in the front room, overlooking Main Street.  So, I don't rush, I know there is room.  I take my time, I am not worried about 1/2 hour lunch breaks and such.  I tip well if the waitstaff deserve it.  I don't demand service, I am in no big hurry, I can wait for my food.  Just get to me when you can.

So while I was waiting for my friend, I watched the good ole boys greet one another with handshakes, nods, and the two-finger salute/wave.  I listened to college students and tables of retired men alike debate our local sports, mostly focusing on college (foot)ball.  I read some.  But mostly, I observed the older couples shuffling in, the men holding the door for their ladies.  The women stepping to the side, letting him hone in on a table or booth.  There were no children today, no babies (ever, that I can recall), and a booth of four young women with loud gasps, breathless exclamations of astonishment, and faces that were in expressions of perpetual surprise.

There is a waitress (Joyce Palmer) there whom I thought was the owner, or at the very least the manager.  She definitely has seniority and carries some authority over the others.  She's a fixture while others come and go.  Most of the others defer to her, some seek her approval.  She's a nice woman to her customers, knows most of them well and serves with efficiency.

But, perhaps she takes her love for the place a bit too far...hey, if it works for her though, who am I to say?  There was a big write up in the local paper, featuring Palmer.  The framed article hangs on the back wall, heading towards the restrooms.

Basically, the story of Joyce and the Liar's Club goes like this...one of her customers proposed.  She accepted.  They got married at the diner, the next Saturday right after she worked the early shift.  THAT'S dedication.

I suspect she has a cot in the back...I see her every time I have ever been there.  And I have been there at various times, early, midday, late into the night...over the years.  It's open 24 hrs.  She is there always, watching over things as she moves about, taking orders and ringing up tickets.

Sometimes the truth makes a better story than fiction.

My friend and I had a wonderful lunch, catching up with each other.  I shared some stories of the past that kept her in laughter.  She made me feel glad to be able to celebrate my birthday with her.  It was great.

16 November 2004

Let them eat cake...or krunchee kibbles

   Look!!  A birthday-cake hat!!  Thanks for all the well wishes from all of you to me for my birthday...I plan to go sight-seeing through some other journals this evening, so if you left a comment recently, expect to see me come calling.  Most likely, I'll be borrowing a few eggs here and a cuppa sugar from there, to assemble my cake  , in the literary sense of course...

Sometimes, my journal entries stem from ideas sparked by others' jottings.  In that way, I feel journals can be conversational in tone.  Other times, I just share my own experiences and thoughts.  Like below...

Now, I don't know if y'all know what I mean when I say I have camel crickets, so lemme splain...Camel crickets are sometimes called cave crickets or water crickets or other rather hideously accurate descriptive names.  They are rather gruesome with big ole juicy bodies and well-developed thighs.  These are crickets but they sort of resemble spiders because their lower legs and antennae are spindlee and they move really fast.  BUT they don't crawl, they hop.  Their feet have little dagger-like grips that cling tight to my shirt when I startle one and it jumps only to land on the very beast it was fleeing.

I've lived here for years and have not encountered camel crickets before, but each year and season brings its own abundance of some new critter.  One spring brought lady bugs that bite.  Another summer brought red-ants that boldly marched in formation a la army ants (but with red bodies) that bite and sting.  One fall brought an amazing amount of mud wasps and other hornet looking flying stinging things.

Right now it's the camel cricket. 

I get mice too, but then whatja spect?  I live in the midst of a 200+ acre field, ya know?  It's getting colder, the mice are coming in for the winter...that's a routine thing, the landlord brush-hogs, bales the hay, destroying the mouse homes and they say, "hey!  must be time to move to the winter quarters" and they stake their mice-family spaces...in my ceiling, walls, and such until they get tired of my killing them off.  Then they say, "hey, she's the Hit-beast that gran-pappy told us about" before moving back out and finding safer abodes (probably under my home, which I can deal with alot better than them scurrying about overhead).

Anyway, this morning, there was a camel cricket doing the lazy, one legged stroke in Shaddow's water bowl.  My hypothesis (I donned my thinking cap) was that the critter jumped in there, smelling the water, and could not jump out (cuz its feet with them daggers break the surface of the water instead of allowing it to skate on the surface, using it for a spring (ahem) board).  As you can see, I put alotta thought into this.

So I reach down for the bowl to dump it out, wash it, etc.  The water bowl is one of those slick plastic wider base models that supposed to be stable, can't move it nor tip it over, neither Shaddow nor I.  The manufactors left little raised edges to act as handles so I could move it (Shaddow hasn't figured that out yet, or maybe it's just that she does not really care to move the bowl.  Come to think of it, she is rather smart, I mean why would she want to knock over her water bowl?).

Ok, so I am moving slow and sluggish, cuz it was this morning, and I had just stumbled into the kitchen, eyed Shaddow's dish, which was now a swimming pool for the camel cricket.  All these things are important, because when I curled my fingers under the edges, a furry little field rodent sprinted out from under the dish.

My heart lunged, my brain lurched, the adrenaline dumped, and I flung the dish into the sink (thus freeing the cricket and enabling it to find purchase on the enamalled surface, it sprung outta the sink, clung to me for a moment and then hopped off) .  Now you know how time can stretch and you notice all them little details that would normally be not remarkable because of the fact that mere seconds have elapsed?  My brain was sending out the anti-adrenaline, soothing, "thank god it couldn't bite me" message.

Why, you ask, COULDN'T the mouse bite me?  Gosh, I am SOooooooooo glad you asked.  Cuz clutched in its little sharp buck teeth, stretching its jaws as full as they probably could go, was one nugget of Shaddow's food from the next bowl over.  Wonder the kibble tastes like chicken?

Good thing I did not have a birthday cake to leave sitting out on the counter...lord knows, the mice woulda had a field (snicker) day with that!!

WAHOO!!

Thanks to Judi, I am having a chance to see some other folks' journals as they stop by to say, happy birthday, to me.  THANKS JUDI!!!

My guy, such the guy he is  sigh, has scored with an A on one of his tests.  Looks like his first semester as a PhD student is going great and although he is still sweating, there are only about 3 more weeks, 3 more tests, and then he is done with this semester.  THAT is one of the best birthday presents a girl could want, for a loved one to be happy and satisfied!! 

15 November 2004

birthday wishes

I loooooooove books.  But I don't often BUY them.  I usually borrow them from the library.  There are a few favorites that I keep on hand and reread from time to time.  I don't usually lend my books, because I own only those I really love...and somehow I never seem to get them back.

So, one wish would be to own "FRIED GREEN TOMATOES AT THE WHISTLE STOP CAFE" by Fannie Flagg in trade paper.  I have owned it, loaned it, never got it back.  Love the format of this, the story, and well, the characters are a hoot!!  an' doncha know, secret's in the sauce...
I do own VHS tapes, as I usually buy them when they are in the five buck bin.  I just can't see renting them when I can find them for that or cheaper.  But there are a few I haven't seen in the cheapo-beepo bin (nor do I suspect that I will any time soon).

Buy ChicagoMy second wish would be MOULIN ROUGE on tape or DVD (I can play DVDs in my computer, and I absolutely love all the extra stuff that most DVDs offer).  This is such a kicking musical medley.   Music!!  Remember a few months ago when I asked for music suggestions?  Well, I started then and for 2 weeks, I would jot down any artist that struck my fancy.  Somehow I ended up with 13 typed pages before I realized I was madly obsessed.   I have folks from Oleta Adams to ZOEgirl listed.  I absolutely adore the movie "Chicago" (Richard Gere, Renee Zelwegger, Cathrine Zeta-Jones (Douglas), Queen Latifah, and many others).  Soooooo...  
Chicago:  The Movie Soundtrack is my third wish.


  Happiest of all birthdays to Judi...Jadzia's wife...Sedona (wink)...and all the other birthday babies out there!!

11 November 2004

Sing!! Sing out LOUD

For those of us who journal with John, we all know the weekend writing assignment routine.  Weekend Assignment #33: You can have any person, past or present, sing any song for you that you want. What is the song, and who is singing it for you?

Extra credit: Name a singer you wish you could sing like, but can't. So that means even those of you with excellent voices have to pick someone you can't sing like.

Don't be shy, c'mon!  Step up to the imaginary mic.  It's time to put all that harmonizing in the steamy shower to use.  I personally choose to wail and croon in my car.  Sometimes without the radio, depends if it is working or not.  And it doesn't always matter if I know the correct words...I think we all have stories about THAT.

I would rather hear vocals from the soul than lyrics with perfect pitch.  So, Janis Joplin came to mind.  Quickly followed by Nina Simone, Erykah Badu, Etta James, Billie Holliday, Mary J. Blige, Tracy Chapman, Bjork, and scores of other women.

But, Eva Cassidy has my heart.  She is no longer with us, but I have only recently discovered her music and she is truly wonderful.  Born in '63, she succumbed to cancer in November '96 at the age of 33.

Her flavor is mostly folk, with some jazz thrown in to spice things up.  Her renditions of "Imagine", "What a Wonderful World", and many others are truly inspiring.  She has smooth vocals, but heartfelt soul kicks it powerfully.

  Although I usually prefer the original artist over a remake.  I think I would have like to have heard Eva sing live.  So,  if I could choose only one song to hear her sing to me...well, it would be Jonathon Harel's "Just the Way You Are", made popular by Billy Joel.

Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times; I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are
Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care
I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.
I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take til you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.
I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are

   Who do I wish I could sing like?  Last night, I was listening to Natalie Merchant.  She has great style, good range, and smokiness or clarity, depending on what she wants.  The subject matter of her lyrics are usually solid, too.  I wish I could sing like her.

Veteran's Day

THANKS!!

To all the veterans of all our military, especially those who have contributed to our abilities to retain what freedoms, rights, and priveleges we have.  My dad is a vietnam vet.  He has my heartfelt thanks, especially for all he has done to see that he and other viet-vets receive at least a portion of their due.  I am so sorry that our government does not take better care of our people, especially those who have suffered atrocities in the name of America.

To learn more about what our government would like you to know about Veteran's Day:  http://www1.va.gov/vetsday/

04 November 2004

Weekend Writing Assignment #32

John M. Scalzi’s Weekend Writing Assignment #32: Congratulations! The American People have elected you President -- for one day. You are allowed to make one Executive Order. What is it?
 Sites focused on Executive Orders:  http://www.fas.org/irp/offdocs/direct.htm

At first my mind drew blanks, which is hardto do (       ) ß-me drawing a blank.  Then, once the ideas started flowing, I couldn’t stop the flood.  So many areas need addressing that I was easily overwhelmed with debates of “I wanna do this, but this is more important, and what about this, that there affects more folks, and don’t forget about this whole thing here…”  But my mind kept coming back to one area.

I think we can better budget our money, as a nation.  We do not need to spend so much on defense and correction systems.  Our other social institutions are suffering as a consequence.  Namely, health/medicine and education are becoming increasingly poor in quality.  Perhaps if we spent more wisely on education, we might not feel we need to spend so foolishly on prisons.

So my executive order would be to fund research and development to all; for quality implementation of good methods and programs, more rigorous standards and criteria for teachers, and an array of programs to address the various learning styles and needs of our children.  This is also heavily tied into health and nutrition, preventative measures to ensure the optimum performance of our students.  I would beef up our physical education programs, without sacrificing our academics. Obesity has become a weighty issue, a pressing concern, as more of our children are afflicted with more health problems related to poor dietary habits and lack of exercise.  All these things would most benefit our children if combined so that no essential area is neglected.

Dream on, right?


Extra Credit: The Presidential Medal of Freedom is America's highest civilian honor. Give it to someone.

The Presidential Medal of Freedom (http://www.medaloffreedom.com/)

“The Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian award, recognizes exceptional meritorious service. The medal was established by President Truman in 1945 to recognize notable service in the war. In 1963, President Kennedy reintroduced it as an honor for distinguished civilian service in peacetime.”

In keeping with the above theme, I want to honor founders of public institutions of higher education.  “AAHRPP® is the creation of seven nonprofit founding member organizations representing the leadership of universities, medical schools and teaching hospitals; biomedical, behavioral and social scientists; and patient and disease advocacy organizations.”  This not only allows me to address education, but also those researching and developing, contributing to our major social institutions, in particular focusing on health and medicine.  (http://www.aahrpp.org/founders.htm)

One current member of the board is Susan L. Weiner, Ph.D., president of The Children’s Cause for Cancer Advocacy (formerly called The Children's Cause, Inc.).  “…give voice to the concerns of childhood cancer patients, survivors and their families and empower them to take on leadership roles in pediatric cancer advocacy. Dr. Weiner, whose child was a 13-year cancer survivor, has been key to bringing childhood cancer to the forefront of the national cancer policy agenda”  (http://www.childrenscause.org/about/mission_susan_weiner.shtml)

In addition, Dr. Weiner is the founder of Mary McDowell Center for Learning, an independent school in New York City for children with learning disabilities.  “The Center's approach is grounded in the Quaker values of respect for individuals, personal, and social responsibility, peaceful resolution of conflict, the importance of diversity and the value of service. Challenging and building on the strengths of each child, the Center cherishes the uniqueness of every student.”   http://www.marymcdowell.org/

Susan L. Weiner, Ph.D., serves on many boards and works to improve the well-being of our children in various ways.  In my opinion, she takes the cake, candles and all.  I would award her the medal and a portion of funds to further the causes she advocates.

03 November 2004

He scores again!!

My guy did EXCELLENT on his stats exam:  102%

But wait, you say, how is more than 100% possible?  Honey, it's statistics.  In the statistical world, we use curves, gradiations, estimations of population parameters, and all sorts of standardization scores...remember, raw scores transformed become standardized scores!

Great job, babe, I am SOOOO proud of you!! 

sad, so sad...

Some things just make me sad.  Not surprised, just disappointed.  And sad.

I dally with urban legends.  I try not to retell and spread them, without a disclaiming stating that this is a hoax.  We have enough real threats out there without the scare tactics, catastrophic rhetoric, and dire warnings of what may possibly happen to someone some where....

One of the most common ways urban myths are spread are through emails.  You know, when you get one of those forwareded urgent horrible messages about what happened to a friend's friend's friend's friend.  (now I got the lyrics, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend)  Usually those messages say something like, THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

Do not believe everything you read.  Chances are that the person who forwarded this plea, warning, etc. was very well-intentioned and wanted to pass the message on because they care, either for you or the cause or both.  These seem to target women and children more often than not, and are related to safety issues.

One example is the myriad of missing child pleas that make it into your post.  First off, let me clearly say that CODE ADAM and AMBER ALERTS are very real.  However not all missing child pleas are authentic.  Those that are fake detract from the real cases, the real searches, the real horrors.

If you receive something you think might not be entirely legitimate, my advice is, research it.  You are already online, if you are checking email.  Do a general searching using any of the search engines you prefer.  AOL allows you to perform a search right in the address line.  Just type in whatever the subject or gist of the email message is, then poke around and see what shows up.

In the case of AMBER ALERTS, you can go directly to the official site to verify the actual identity of the missing child.  http://codeamber.org/alerts.html  In fact, some of the hoaxes are so well-developed that they seem to have taken on a life of their own, complete with variations to the story.  The folks at CODEAMBER research these so they can concentrate on the real cases and warn you from those that aren't fact, so you do not waste time, energy, effort, and worry about those detracting from the actual missing child cases.

So if a forwarded email tugs at your heartstrings, makes your eyes tear, or your heart leap into your throat....before passing the post on in frantic fear and a desire to do your part in warning your loved ones, check to see if the message contains sensational stories or if it is indeed verifiable fact.

 

Very briefly, on a different note...the samo samo state of the nation is sad, sad, sad.  Not surprisingly, just disappointingly, a margin of the voting population eeked Bush into office for yet another term.  If some crisis occurs that he can be hero in, please don't be alarmed.  It isn't so much that we are safe from his ineptitude.  Rather that the hype of his tactics reminds me of some of the rhetoric I spoke of earlier.

I spoke with several international friends last night, from various regions of the world.  I felt like the American embassador as I fielded questions about just how stupid and foolish we are.  Here's to the blind hope that Bush might stop the insanity of so many of his injurous moves, clean up his act a bit, and perhaps improve a few needed areas...OR am I just being another foolish American?

01 November 2004

ooooooooooh, krazy writing wrabbit...

As some of you know, today marks the kick-off for NaNoWriMo.  Wahooooo!!  I am done writing for the day, for the novel.  It's working title is:  Rice Puddin' Summer.  Today's total word-count for me:  3,735.  I don't know yet what the collective word-count is for all 33,000 registered writers.

According to my schedule, ahem, consulting my lil book...I have allowed my self to consider Mondays as an off-day.  I have other obligations on Mondays and they can be quite draining.  BUT, I figured if I could get ahead of the game in the beginning, then I can give myself some leeway at the end...or middle...or whenever the big B hits.  (that's the dreaded writer's Block, the big B is)

There's some holes in the plot, but I got plenty of time to spackle them babies up.  I am not sure how some things are going to fit, so I'll end up making adjustments and such as I go.  That's more than fine.  And right now, this is fun, fun, fun.

Anyone wanna join me?  anyone?  you?

31 October 2004

Fosse, Fosse, Fosse...

  My guy might take me to see "Fosse", a tribute celebrating various dance routines of Fosse's.  The broadway production is coming to Ole Miss, Saturday 6 November.  We were thinking about dinner and a show, actually dressing semi-formal.  Or at least dressier than I usually appear...so I ought to figure out what fits, what I have even to choose from, I mean apparel does not usually make my priority list so I don't even know if I have anything appropriate, really.  What does one wear anyway?  Oh, twitter me, twitter me, twitter me...I am SURE that something will come to mind.  I might even get a few nice pix to post out of the evening.  We are probably going to do "Fosse" as a birthday present to me.  My guy asked what I wanted to do, he suggested OKLAHOMA! at the Orpheum in Memphis, which opens on my birthday.  But we are so not sure of what his schedule looks like, that this is safer.  More relaxing and enjoyable, I think too.  He hates OKLAHOMA!  and I would hate making him sit through it, even if he tells me he would for me.  Which is awfully sweet, but I guilt easily over some stuff.  Even if I am the one guilt-tripping myself...

Ya know, the more I think about it, the more I want to see "Fosse".  Really.  I don't have lots of preferences, so it takes awhile to develop them.  I think I will peak at clothes and see what I can do....stunningly sumptuously sensual...that'd be a good look to go for, doncha think?

Halloween Memory

To-day is Halloween.  To me, halloween and the changing of the clocks, means that fall has progressed past the turning back to summer point.  It means that the Holidays are upon us.  Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years; they all await in the foreseeable future.

My mother made some awesome costumes for herself, my father, and me the year I was a senior in High-School.  My folks were in their early 40s at the time.  Mom carefully sewed these with the deligence she's brought to outfitting wedding parties, including brides and their maidens of honor.  She even created large puffy heads that were close-fitting helmets, allowing our faces to peep out from them.

Mine was a cat, all one piece, hood with pink satin lined ears and a dropped dart on the forehead to give me that cute heartshaped face.  I even wore it to school.  The only kid let alone SENIOR to be dressed in costume.  But my outfit paled in comparison to my mother's and father's...

Mom was Mickey Mouse, complete with a tuxedo style top that ended in long tails.  A close friend of ours applied our makeup, even coming over way early to do mine for the bus ride to school.  I had a silver face with black lips that were amazingly sensual...I never felt so, well, catty.

My father was, of course Mickey's mate, Minnie.  His outfit consisted of a red and white polka dotted dress with white piping and lace trim.  I provided an old stretched out bra that lent the correct curvature.  He carried a small hard black purse, like you'd expect Minnie to have.  His long flowing beard completed the look.

We went trick or treating to a few of the local bars.  Folks greeted us and our swollen heads with much laughter, goodwill, and usually would buy us drinks.  Of course, I stuck with cranberry juice, I was only 17 ya know.

For years, we had those costumes around.  My folks never wore them again.  But I did.  In fact, I took Mickey's head with me on several trips, as I discovered that it provided for an excellent pillow that did not fall out from under my bouncing jostling head propped against the window.  I might have looked odd, but it was comfortable.  After 5 or 6 years, we boxed them up and got rid of them.

Another fond memory dusted off and shared.  grin.  Did I mention that I have pretty kewl folks?  Gosh I love 'em.

NaNoWriMo

Hello!!  As you can see from my "all about me" sidebar, I am feeling a little squirrellee.  I got my thinking cap on.  I am ready to go!!


For those of you who may be scritching you head, corn-fuzed, let me explain.  I am a NaNoWriMo participant, first year attempted, first year registered.  NaNoWriMo is the nifty little, well shorter, name for "National Novel Writing Month".  It's actually a bit of a misnomer, but we don't get finicky about these things.  Internationally, folks participate, which is super-kewl!!


After the first year, the creators decided November was a more suitable month than July.  The goal is that we all (individually, that is) write 50,000 words.  That's about 175 pages.  Which is not quite novel length, more like a novella.  Again, we don't get picky about these things.  We start at the crack of November first and type or write like fiends for the next few weeks, ending on the 30th.


So that is the (inter)National Novel(la) Writing (or typing) Month (of November) in a nutshell (see?  squirrellee sidebar).  So what's the big deal, you say, about doing this in a month?  

Welllllll, it has to do with goals, timelimits, and producing quantity.

See, too many, myself included, often fall into the "one day" trap.  Ya know, as in, "one day, I will write the next great American Novel" (or British, or Russian, or Australian, or whichever nationality you are).  Some of us are, oh um, how can I politely say this....well, more than a bit anal about the whole gotta-phrase-this-thought-exactly-right and THAT can mean that I, um I mean folks, can get bogged down in the whole perfection thing that ain't ever gonna happen and THAT can lead to mass paralysis of the mind, which is SO not a good thing.  No, no it's not.

So the idea is that if we just write, write, write and don't think and overanalyze; then the sheer quantity creates a flow...or the flow creates a quantity...or both simultaneously combust.  The point is, there is bound to be something worth mining out of 50,000 words.  I mean, it can't all be bad.  It won't all be great, sure.  But, at least there is SOMETHING (fifty thousand somethings) to work with, to mold into something that might be publishable...or whatever you choose to do with your words.


So, that's why I've been clearing my schedule, tying up loose ends, trying to get all the things accomplished throughout the month of October so that I might have the time available to do this writing stuff in the month of November.  Thanks to all the faithful readers of my journal, the visitors that leave comments.  A huge appreciative grin and huggle to the few folks that take extra time, to go that extra mile, and make that extra effort...thanks for being so encouraging, supportive, and eager to see what I produce.  I am kinda curious, too.

We are able to create notes, chapter outlines, character development, conduct research, etc.  Just NO writing of the work til November first.  That is some 12 hours away, we can start as of midnight local time.


Sure, cheating is possible.  But you know you cheated and you just cheat yourself.  Besides, it costs no money to participate and there is no cash reward at the end.  You earn a great sense of accomplishment.  You might even get a great piece of writing from it.

So, I'm gonna give it a shot.  See how much I grow...

30 October 2004

daddy's lil girl

My father and I are rather close most of the time.  Sometimes we need our space, from people in general, not just each other.  It occured to me that I have mentioned mom a few times in entries, but haven't really said much about my father.

When I was a child, dad was a truck-driver.  He had a rather erratic schedule, because he drove long-hauls and not day-trips.  When he was home, often he was tired and would rest and we had to be really, reall quiet.  Children are not usually quiet, but we played lots outside anyway, so he did get some rest.

As kids, one of our chores was to help dad weed the truck patch (a really really big garden, which seemed bigger cuz I was so little).  I was not too good with discerning what was a weed and what was a young plant, so I was constantly lagging behind my brother and father as they worked their rows.  Dad would come and patiently show me again, I would nod (I got it when he was right there), he would return to his section, and I would gaze at the vegetation as muddled as I had been before.  You could probably see little bubbles containing question marks blooming and popping above my head.

Our treat for a job well done was a dip and split.  Now, the dip was rule-laden too, like weeding the garden, but much more enjoyable.  Usually.

There was a stone bridge that arched over a creek, with a swim hole just above it.  There was a swinging rope, a couple of nice sized boulders, and a log or two that seemed to be there always.  Sometimes, there would be lots of happy folks there with a few kids, and we would all have fun.  Every once in a while, there would be a few folks bathing in the stream (hey!  this was the early to mid-70s).  It seemed that it was peaceful and cool.

The rules were in regard to the swing rope.  If you used it, you had to drop off, not just swing on it.  No playing around with the rope.  Swing out, drop off, or don't mess with the rope in the first place.

I did not know how to swim.  I'm sure that I would have learned if I swung out and dropped off the rope into the deeper water.  But I steered clear of the rope.  For the most part.  There was one time I remember swinging out, fully intending to drop, but my stomach and heart stayed behind and I couldn't remember to let go, even with everyone shouting to do so.  I slammed into the root laden bank.  More stunned than hurt, I cried, trying to stifle the sobs, cuz I was such a baby, I thought.  Dad came and fished me out and I clung to him like I had the rope.  He checked me over, which is a difficult thing to do with a small child hanging on to you and sobbing.

So after that, I went back to the safe dipping and wading.  Leaving the swinging and swimming til I was older.  Dipping was fun, less dangerous and I still cooled down.

The split was even more special.  We would pile into the VW bug, bright orange, of course.  The local Dairy Queen was quite a drive, it seemed then.  We would order a banana split that seemed so huge and we got to keep the wooden boat it came in.  A few years later, the boats became plastic and the splits were lots smaller.  But, that one split was more than enough for 2 adults in their 20s and 2 small children (I was about 4 and my brother was 6).

When I was little, I'd go a pickin' pickory nuts.  Most folks knew these as Hickory nuts...but you can't very well hick hickory nuts, now can ya?  Dad took my brother and I fishing, hunting, and berrying all through the years.  Dad and we kids would pick apples, pears, peaches, strawberries, etc. and mom would make jellies and jams.  We would go fishing, dad would clean the catch, and mom would cook the mess up.

Dad taught me about maintaining my car.  Together we have worked on more engines, transmissions, and exhaust systems than I would care to count.  We even rebuilt a vehicle once.  Bonding, man, bonding.

Dad is a very thorough person.  He considers and analyzes everything, looking from all perspectives.  His advice is sound, based on lots of pondering.  He is good with explanations and with creating new ways to do things.

He is supportive in my endeavors, to try new things.  But he also understands when I need the comfort of having the samo samo routine, no newness.  He loves me, even when I don't seem to listen to him, or make big mistakes.  That's cool, cuz he's my dad, man and it's great to love the guy, ya know?